Things haven’t been going the greatest recently but there was a high point yesterday in terms of tackling OCD.

One of my biggest issues is surrounding little kids, particularly babies and kids not potty-trained, with my OCD coming into play about the germs and gross stuff dealing with diapers and poop and whatnot.  All the stuff that most people don’t have a fear over, but do find gross.

Now needless to say, I started to really work on this issue almost 2 years ago at the IOCDF pre-conference 2-day intensive group treatment with my now close friend who I met in that group.  We both encouraged each other, and when it came to babies, I took it slow and didn’t simply avoid them as their parents pushed them in their strollers down streets like I would have in the past.  My friend gave me the courage to walk past them and get contaminated with whatever OCD felt would hurt me.

Fast forward to yesterday.  I went to a brunch fundraiser for the nursery school (think LOTS of 1-4 year olds) and had some initial OCD thoughts before leaving the house with my mom.  But then once I got there, I was so focused on how hungry I was since I hadn’t eaten breakfast that I didn’t really notice all the bazillion kids there (in parents’ arms, running around, eating at tables, etc.) so my OCD and anxiety didn’t skyrocket,  Since it didn’t have that initial skyrocket, I never really became super aware of how many little kids were ACTUALLY surrounding me, and I was there for a good couple hours!

There was even one time where a small baby’s hand accidentally touched my arm, since he was in his mom’s arms and thus at my arm’s level, and I DIDN’T FREAK OUT!  I did have that initial mini-freakout of “OMG it touched me, should I go wash my arm or leave here?” but I just didn’t let myself focus on it and after about 30 seconds, it went away!

I know I still have a bit of a ways to go til I’m completely comfortable around little, un-potty-trained kids, but man, yesterday was an amazing sign of just how far I’ve come.  

It may be small, but it feels so awesome to me to have done all that!



Slowly replacing the negative thoughts with colors and beautiful things.

(via puffycoatmolly)

Source: mywhisperedcolors




Obsessive Thoughts: A Darker Side of OCD

"That’s so OCD."

This comment, often traded among high school girls, usually regards someone’s organizational skills: properly spaced tab dividers, arrays of multicolored pens, or an especially neat locker.

If I google “celebrities with OCD,” I discover that I share my disorder with Cameron Diaz, Howard Stern, and Jesse Eisenberg. These interviews mention little more than minor compulsions. (Cameron Diaz is rumored to open doorknobs with her elbows; Howard Stern taps his car radio dial for a certain length of time before switching it on.)

Compulsive tics steal most of the limelight when it comes to Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. Comparatively less attention, meanwhile, is given to the obsessive thoughts that characterize the other half of OCD. The content of these obsessions can range from pedophilia to homicide to sexual identity crises; compulsions “atoning for” the thoughts sometimes follow. For example: A woman, distraught by visions of murdering her child, wakes up several times in the night to check on her daughter.  

In discussions about OCD with family and friends, I’ve observed that it is easier for others to adjust to compulsions they can see rather than obsessions they can’t. It is easier for them to understand repetitive hand­-washing than, say, the fear of murdering your parents. Abstract pamphlet language—”recurrent and persistent thoughts, impulses or images”—doesn’t necessarily register in a non­sufferer’s mind as graphic or violent.

Read more. [Image: shioshvili/flickr]

I have vivid visualizations of my loved ones dying horrific, graphic deaths. They come into my head randomly, but usually only occur if the rest of my life is generally stressful. To deal with this, I developed habits of self harm, ripping my hair out, scratching and picking at my skin, and such to try to exorcise these images. When I don’t feel so awful, I do things like wake up 10-30 times a night to check my alarm, though I’m well aware that it’s set correctly. I’m also a compulsive lock checker. I also have a huge fear of ingesting soaps, specifically laundry detergent, and when I do laundry I’m usually sent into a panic about touching my lips or my face out of fear of poisoning myself and dying from ingesting detergent. I also KNOW all of this is irrational, which is the worst part. This is OCD.

I’m also very organized, enjoy filing and tedious office work, and get to work half an hour early because I’m picky about how my room is set up. This is not OCD.

^ Searching OCD tag and found this response. I love it. 

(via behindthehologram)

Source: theatlantic

My best friend made a “Just Thoughts” bracelet/key-chain for me to look at when my OCD is getting the best of me. A couple of days ago, she decided to put it on her list of bracelets for the “Grand Opening” of her Etsy shop. I would love it if you would take a look and share it with our community. I understand if it isn’t for you. Thank you for your time. 


**Side note: I totally wear a bracelet all day every day that says “I live with OCD. Stand in compassion” that my boyfriend, who also has OCD (we met at the annual IOCDF conference last year) wears all the time too. Not as a reminder that we have OCD, since it’s hard to forget, but as a reminder of strength and that we’re in this together.  This type of thing is great!

I hate the way OCD can just sneak up on you when you already have too much on your plate.

Like today, my mom’s maid that comes to clean the house every week came today, the DAY BEFORE I HAVE TO LEAVE to go back down to school.

Already, I’m super stressed and triggered at the slightest thing, but having her here asking me “oh when do you leave?” “are you packed?” “do you miss your boyfriend?” every hour or so in an effort to make conversation with me is just paralyzing. 

I can’t start packing until she leaves and she’s not leaving until at least another hour.  My mom has no idea how anxious I am right now and I don’t know how to just keep going at the moment.  So much has gone wrong this week for me so I’m currently just sitting here in the living room because EVERY OTHER room (even this one that I’m in) is triggering in some sort of way.

My mom knows that I don’t like the lady and that she makes my OCD worse but how can it not, when she sneezes in her hands and then reaches to pull the clean clothes out the dryer?  Now I have to re-wash everything she touched today that was mine.

I’m so frazzled.


"It gets under your skin and lives inside you, and you can’t run from it, you can’t hide. It finds you, and traps you, it grows over your soul like an encasing vine and it stays with you, you can’t get away from it. It’s like being in a room with 30 radios going all at once, on full volume, and you can’t turn them off, nothing stops it."

- Explaining anxiety. -  radichul (via perfect)

(via behindthehologram)

Source: radichul