- 1 month ago
"That’s so OCD."
This comment, often traded among high school girls, usually regards someone’s organizational skills: properly spaced tab dividers, arrays of multicolored pens, or an especially neat locker.
If I google “celebrities with OCD,” I discover that I share my disorder with Cameron Diaz, Howard Stern, and Jesse Eisenberg. These interviews mention little more than minor compulsions. (Cameron Diaz is rumored to open doorknobs with her elbows; Howard Stern taps his car radio dial for a certain length of time before switching it on.)
Compulsive tics steal most of the limelight when it comes to Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. Comparatively less attention, meanwhile, is given to the obsessive thoughts that characterize the other half of OCD. The content of these obsessions can range from pedophilia to homicide to sexual identity crises; compulsions “atoning for” the thoughts sometimes follow. For example: A woman, distraught by visions of murdering her child, wakes up several times in the night to check on her daughter.
In discussions about OCD with family and friends, I’ve observed that it is easier for others to adjust to compulsions they can see rather than obsessions they can’t. It is easier for them to understand repetitive hand-washing than, say, the fear of murdering your parents. Abstract pamphlet language—”recurrent and persistent thoughts, impulses or images”—doesn’t necessarily register in a nonsufferer’s mind as graphic or violent.
I have vivid visualizations of my loved ones dying horrific, graphic deaths. They come into my head randomly, but usually only occur if the rest of my life is generally stressful. To deal with this, I developed habits of self harm, ripping my hair out, scratching and picking at my skin, and such to try to exorcise these images. When I don’t feel so awful, I do things like wake up 10-30 times a night to check my alarm, though I’m well aware that it’s set correctly. I’m also a compulsive lock checker. I also have a huge fear of ingesting soaps, specifically laundry detergent, and when I do laundry I’m usually sent into a panic about touching my lips or my face out of fear of poisoning myself and dying from ingesting detergent. I also KNOW all of this is irrational, which is the worst part. This is OCD.
I’m also very organized, enjoy filing and tedious office work, and get to work half an hour early because I’m picky about how my room is set up. This is not OCD.
^ Searching OCD tag and found this response. I love it.
(via behindthehologram)Source: theatlantic
- 1 month ago
- 1 month ago
I hate the way OCD can just sneak up on you when you already have too much on your plate.
Like today, my mom’s maid that comes to clean the house every week came today, the DAY BEFORE I HAVE TO LEAVE to go back down to school.
Already, I’m super stressed and triggered at the slightest thing, but having her here asking me “oh when do you leave?” “are you packed?” “do you miss your boyfriend?” every hour or so in an effort to make conversation with me is just paralyzing.
I can’t start packing until she leaves and she’s not leaving until at least another hour. My mom has no idea how anxious I am right now and I don’t know how to just keep going at the moment. So much has gone wrong this week for me so I’m currently just sitting here in the living room because EVERY OTHER room (even this one that I’m in) is triggering in some sort of way.
My mom knows that I don’t like the lady and that she makes my OCD worse but how can it not, when she sneezes in her hands and then reaches to pull the clean clothes out the dryer? Now I have to re-wash everything she touched today that was mine.
I’m so frazzled.
- 2 months ago
"It gets under your skin and lives inside you, and you can’t run from it, you can’t hide. It finds you, and traps you, it grows over your soul like an encasing vine and it stays with you, you can’t get away from it. It’s like being in a room with 30 radios going all at once, on full volume, and you can’t turn them off, nothing stops it."
- 2 months ago